How To Tell You Are In A Good Sandwich Place
As a certified Fat Italian Woman, I thought I would write you a quick guide on how to know whether or not a sandwich place is worthwhile. These indicators have yet to steer me wrong in NYC, Austin, or anywhere else I’ve been in the country, though there are of course places that also provide a quality sandwich without possessing these indicators. Nonetheless, if a sandwich place meets these qualifications, you’re guaranteed to be eating good.
Pictures of more than 3 members of the Sopranos cast. The more overweight they are, the more reliable an indicator this metric is. This point counts exponentially more if the sandwich place is outside of the NYC metro area.
It pains me to say this, but the presence of police memorabilia. There is very little I agree with cops on, but they do know a good sandwich.
Inconsistent hours. We all know a good sandwich place is only open for lunch, but a great sandwich place has a product that’s always in demand, and thus can provide it at their leisure.
Some kind of non-bread starchy option as a sandwich filler. Usually this is a hash brown patty or a breaded fried piece of eggplant. Other indicators on this list show the sandwich place’s respect for tradition, but this one shows there’s a place for innovation and a forward-looking perspective among the sandwich engineers.
This tip only applies to women (although I suppose occasionally this happens to men too): if the man1 making the sandwich for you calls you a pet name which you would not find acceptable in any other environment but find oddly charming in this one, that man will be providing you with the sandwich of your life.
If that same sandwich man gives you a piece of little piece of cheese or cured meat to nibble on while you’re waiting for your sandwich, presumably as some sort of sample, even if (or especially if) that item is not actually available for retail sale and is not a component of the sandwich you ordered.
I do not think gender is important to the quality of the sandwich, but most good sandwich places definitely have a macho sort of vibe and I’ve never seen a woman making a sandwich in one. Sometimes they are working in the back somewhere, slicing meat or making mozzarella, but I’ve never seen one actually be the sandwich maker.