Like most people reading this, probably, I can’t stop posting. I won’t get into what defects in my personality make me so vulnerable to twitter addiction, but you can probably guess what they are if you have read said posts.
Over the last few years, I’ve periodically deactivated my public twitter account, for productivity reasons, or mental health reasons (this most recent departure has been because I’m switching psychiatric medications and don’t want to chance the small but distinct possibility that some errant side effect might lead me to become the Main Character Of The Day). Like most addicts who hope to recover, I have a form of methadone - I have a locked, semi anonymous account with a handful of followers, most of whom I know in real life, and on which I very rarely post anything even remotely interesting. It’s basically a semi-public notepad/journal on which I average .05 likes per post. Pathetically, I have never deleted this. Maybe I can’t leave, but at least I can dampen the dopamine circuitry that has developed and been reinforced over my years of internet semi-notoriety.
Speaking of that semi-notoriety - this practice is complicated by the fact that as someone with, if not a career, then at least a fairly lucrative side hustle in comedy, I can’t really leave the platform for good without incurring some pretty concrete costs. I’m not successful enough to go entirely without it (something many of my fellow entertainment industry twitter addicts profess to be the dream, but I’ll believe it when I see it), and it’s the platform on which most of my “fans” (ughhhhh sorry) reside - sure I have some TV credits, and I perform regularly, but most people who know of me know of me through twitter, and many of them are fellow power users (addicts (again, sorry)).
This “well, I need to be there, for promotion” excuse feels incomplete. If I were only there for promotion, I wouldn’t feel the need to post as much as I do. Again, I won’t get into why I feel the need to post as much as I do, but I’m coming to the point of why I’m writing this: I’d like to stop doing it so much, and it’s been worryingly hard to do so!
I’ve faced my share of harassment and ridicule (ask me about my Lore, most of which is fanfic (or, I guess, haterfic)), but generally speaking, I have more positive interactions on twitter than negative. My mufos and followers are funny, supportive, thoughtful, and intelligent. I have made real life friends through my participation in the platform, as well as a not-insignificant amount of money converting twitter followers into patreon supporters and audience members. But as I get older, I feel that by being on twitter, even when it’s lovely, I’m exchanging my privacy and my creative energy for a simulated form of community. When I’m on twitter less, I participate in my real-life community more, spend more time with my actual friends, and seek out more substantial forms of creative fulfillment.
It’s embarrassing to admit I am too weak willed to just log off sometimes, but admitting one is powerless over one’s addiction is the first step to overcoming it. I’ve been thinking about solutions to this problem - how to keep some limited participation both for practical reasons and for the positive elements of the twitter experience - without giving my brain over to it entirely, and the solution I’ve landed on is to unfollow everyone. I’m sorry! Most of you have great tweets, and I feel like I’m being a real asshole! but I can’t have a curated feed filled with the thoughts of several thousand people into which I can disappear any time my regular life feels understimulating. I’ll still post and read your posts, but I’ll need to do a little extra work to get there, and hopefully that barrier to entry will help.
I’m hoping this will give my brain a little more space to create more durable forms of creative expression - you can sign up to read this substack, for example, on which I haven’t posted in ages but might start again. You can come see me do stand up if you live in the New York area, or you can subscribe to my podcasts, What A Time To Be Alive and Lie Cheat and Steal, Both of which have patreons.
I’m sorry that my participation in this platform has to become more one-sided, but unfortunately I am just too much of a die hard poster to cut back any other way. I still love you all and gave each of your accounts a little kiss goodbye as I unfollowed you. My DMs are still open, I still have instagram, I’m still Extremely Online. I just gotta be less online in this particular way in order to preserve the few parts of my brain that haven’t become completely smooth since 2007.